


The Guilt of Being Responsible

by AllisonAckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:19:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisonAckles/pseuds/AllisonAckles
Summary: Choices were made. Words were said.  Even though a year has passed, nothing has changed.Deanxreader. Dean and the reader broke up over a year ago right after Sam fell into the pit.  So many things have changed except their feelings for on another.Terrible summery. Probably not the best short story. If ya'll some how like it let me know. This will determine a part 2. Thanks!





	The Guilt of Being Responsible

A case I was working lead me to Cicero, Indiana and to a sleazy small town bar. My heels clicked as I walked across the hard wood floor of the bar I was in. As I looked over the small crowd, I noticed familiar sandy hair and green eyes. I briefly stopped when I spotted a mirror on the wall, which I used to quickly check my appearance. My skin tight black dress was perfectly smooth and I fixed my red belt. Made sure my red lip stick wasn't smudged and my curls weren't a mess. I smiled at my now flawless appearance and continued to cross the bar.

"Dean" I said as I closed in and he looked up. The shock on his face was rather nice. I gave a small smirk.

The man sitting with him looked me up and down as Dean said,"Y/N?"

"This is a surprise" I said with a smile.

"Whose this pretty lady Dean?" the guy asked.

"Uhh...Sid, this is Y/N" he said and got up to hug me. I felt like I was home in his arms.

"What are you doing here" he asked and pulled away.

I crossed my arms nerviously as I answered him,"A case", I shurgged.

"A case? Alone?" he snapped.

"Yeah" I said looking over to his friend then back to him, " We can discuss that later though, and yes, alone."

" Sid man, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm gonna catch up with Y/N" Dean said as he pulled out his wallet and threw a couple of bills on the table then placed his wallet back in the pocket of his jeans.

"Yeah sure. Nice to meet you sexy", he winked at me and I smiled at him.

"Sid dude. Not cool", Dean snapped.

"I'm the single one here Dean" he smiled as Dean put his hand on my lower back and ushered me from the bar.

"Now, your case?" Dean asked as we walked out the door.

I shivered as we walked out into the cold air ,"It's just a vampire. Nothing major."

"So, that means you need to dress like a hooker?", he questioned disapprovingly as he raised an eyebrow.

I looked up at him, "I'm not dressed like a hooker?!" I defended and gave him a glare.

"You need to put some more clothes on Y/F/N Y/M/N."

Dean shrugged out of his jacket and put it around my shoulder. I thanked him quietly and pulled it around me. The smell of his jacket made my head spin. It was nothing but pure Dean, I missed this. We both became quiet as we approached the impala. Dean opened the passenger door.

"Thanks", I said quietly and got in the car.

Dean closed the door and made his way around to the drivers side. The impala was just like I remembered. Same old leather seats. Same odd combinations of smells from the road mixed with the boys cologne. I've missed them. Dean and I have been broken up for a year. After Sam fell down the rabbit hole into hell, Dean and I fought all the time over everything. Eventually we weren't even able to be in the same room with each other. Our last fight ended in Dean saying it was over and with me storming out of the motel we were staying in. We haven't spoken since.

"So...", Dean said awkwardly as he drove.

He pulled me from my thoughts and I looked over at him, "How's Lisa?"

This caught him off guard, "Uh, good. Her and Ben are real good", he answered looking down.

"Oh well that's good. I've got a lead on this vamp. If you could drop me off on 5th and main that would be super helpful. I'm just ready to gank this thing" I said and crossed my legs.

He looked over at me again," You're gonna fight a vamp in heels?"

"Might as well look good while I can" I shrugged and chuckled lightly and looked ahead out the window.

I could see Dean's grip tighten on the wheel before he asked, "Are you okay?" he was referring to the fact that Sam is in hell.

"Fine."

I took Sam's loss as hard as Dean, I couldn't function. My best friend was gone. When I walked out on Dean I became a lone hunter and he started playing house with Lisa and Ben.

"Just so you know. You're coming back to the house. You're not fighting that vamp alone", he said surely.

"Sure Dean-o. Why not" I said annoyed and sunk into the seat.

We pulled into his house and we both got out. I followed him up to the door and he unlocked it and we stepped in. Dean closed the door behind us and I quickly took off his jacket and handed it to him before Lisa saw.

"Lisa and Ben aren't here. They're at a movie", he told me as he tossed him jacket over the arm of the couch.

"Oh. Okay", now I was becoming uncomfortable being here with him.

"Want a drink?" he asked.

"Yeah sure."

I stood in his living room and looked around as he went and poured us a drink. Pictures of Ben, Lisa, and Dean covered the walls and my heart tightened a little. Deep down I wished that was me. Me instead of Lisa. I stared deeply at a photo of Dean and Lisa in, I guessing, their kitchen. Dean had his arm around her waist, and his smile wide.

"Y/N/N?" He questioned walking back into the living room.

I snapped my head to him, "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah...I was just checking out your pictures", I said nervously as I played with my fingers.

We took a seat on the couch side by side and he handed me a glass of whiskey. I leaned back against the couch and crossed my legs.

"So what's with the look?", he asked referring to my reviling dress and high heels.

"I though change would be something nice, but all I get are creeps trying to pick me up", I huffed.

"Y/N/N, you don't need to change, you're perfect the way you were. And if I ever catch some perv try and pick you up, I'll rip his lungs out", Dean said annoyed.

"Since when do you care?"

"I've always cared", he snapped back.

"Really? Or is it just because that was what was drilled into your brain growing up? Watch out for Y/N/N and Sammy. Keep Y/N/N and Sammy safe. I mean look at you know? I haven't seen you in what almost a year?" I scoffed taking a large drink.

My parents were killed when I was younger by vampires and then they took me. John found and killed the vamps and also found me. I had no where to go and no one. John took me in and I've been with them ever since. John was like a father to me. Sam was my best friend, and Dean...he's the love of my life..Was the love of my life.

"You left me! You are the one who walked out the door, not me!", He yelled putting his drink down on the table.

I threw the rest of mine back and put the empty glass on the table, "Why?!"

"Why what?"

"Why her?!"

"What?"

"Lisa. Why her? Why come back to her?" I asked on the verge of tears.

"Y/N I-"

I stood up, "NO! I don't wanna know. I have to go."

He stood and followed me as I headed for the door. He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I gasped.

"You didn't want me. That's why I came back to Lisa", he admitted.

"Of course I - That's not-"

"Dean?", we heard coming from the kitchen.

"She must have came through the kitchen door", Dean whispered to himself.

Dean stepped back as Lisa walked into the living room with Ben following close behind.

"Oh, Y/N! I didn't know you were in town", she smiled as she came over to give me a quick hug.

"She just got here", Dean told her.

"And I was just leaving", I snapped at Dean and pulled away from Lisa and reached for the door, when Lisa grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Why don't you stay? Have dinner? Do you have a place to stay? We have a spare bed room", she offered.

"Thanks Lis, but I'm fine. I'm staying at the old motel off 83. I really need to get going. Duty calls you know",I said giving a small unamused smile and pulled the door open.

I walked out the front and closed it tight behind me. I like Lisa, honesty I do, but I love Dean more. That might be the reason I'm so cold towards her. When you love someone you want whats best for them, what makes them happy, and I guess Lisa and Ben are that for Dean; and I hate myself because I can't be happy for him. So I guess I'm more angry with myself than I am any of them.

I made my way back to my motel. I was on the third floor and the stairs were a bitch for such a small motel. The second I made it into room 110, I shut the door and fell onto the bed. I kicked off my shoes and curled up to the pillow and cried. I'm not usually a crier, but... I just couldn't help it. I couldn't hide from how I felt. About 20 minutes later I fell asleep.

***

Creaks in floor woke me up. I didn't open my eyes or move much. The hand that was under my pillow gripped tightly around the handle of the gun that was under my head. I could feel as the figure grew closer, the air changed and you could heavily feel the presence. I threw my cover back and drew the gun and flipped over pointing the gun in the air at the intruder.

A hand went out and met mine and took the gun from me and dropped it to the floor and I was pinned to the bed. A large body hovered over me.

"Easy there tiger", Dean smiled down a me.

"Jesus, Dean!", I breathed and hit his shoulder, "You could have just called."

"Nah, takes the fun out of it."

"What do you want?", I demanded pushing him off of me and sitting up.

"I wanted to finish talking to you", he said getting comfortable next to me.

"And that couldn't have waited until tomorrow?", I barked.

"No. Is that my shirt?", he asked pointing to the blue t-shirt I was sleeping in.

I looked down, "Yeah. It's soft", I shrugged. And it smells like you. I thought.

I then realized that that's all I was wearing. I didn't move. If Dean hadn't noticed I wasn't going to draw attention to it.

"So about earlier?", he asked shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it to the floor and kicked off his boots.

"Dean there isn't anything left to talk about. You're with Lisa. End of story. It's over."

He leaned over. His face was so close. I looked into his green eyes. We stared at each other for a good long while before he said, "No, it's not end of story. It's never been over."

"Dean", I breathed.

Dean brought his hand to my cheek and cupped it,"Y/N", he whispered as he closed the gap between us.

Our lips met and I automatically melted into him. He reached down and grabbed my waist and pulled me to straddle him. I ran my hands threw his hair pulling myself closer to him. He ran his hands over my bare legs.

"You know I love when you wear my clothes", he moaned.

I just smiled as he flipped us over to where he was hovering over me. His hand was under the t-shirt and flat against my stomach. Our lips still locked and I was kissing him with as much passion as I could manage. His hand went down to the waist band of my panties and he slid his hand in.

It all hit me. This was wrong. It felt so right, but this was wrong to Lisa. I pulled my lips free and Dean just moved to my neck, "Dean. St-stop. We have to stop."

"You really want me to stop?", he whispered against my collar bone.

"Dean, really", I said panting, "This is wrong."

"Then why does it feel so right?" he smirked.

He kissed me again and I kissed back then pulled away, "Dean st-"

His fingered entered me and I gasped.

He chuckled, "You really want me to stop?", he asked as he pumped in and out.

I gripped his bicep with one hand the side of his shirt with the other.

"D-Dean", I moaned.

"To me, it sounds like you want me to keep going?", he smirked as he moved his fingers faster.

I moaned then I tried to compose myself the best I could. I wanted to keep going. To make love with Dean like we had before, but this isn't the way to do it.

"Dean Winchester", I moaned as he went faster, deeper, "Dean, get you hand out of my pants. I'm serious", I said trying my best not to moan and let my voice shake.

He stopped and I looked up at him. He pulled his hand out and I whimpered involuntarily, missing his touch. He smiled, he knew I didn't want to stop.

"We can't do this to Lisa. I want to, Dean, I want you, but this isn't fair to Lisa. I think you need to go", I said looking him in the eye.

He leaned down and kissed me gently, lovingly. He pulled away and sighed.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have came here tonight."

He got up and put his jacket and shoes back on and he went to the door. He looked back at me as his hand met the silver door knob. I was laying on the bed looking at the ceiling. My-Dean's shirt rode half way up my stomach. My red lace panties- which Dean loved- were completely visible and lit up in the dim light of the room.

He pulled the door open and right before he stepped out I called, "Dean."

He looked back at me again, but I continued to stare at the ceiling.

"I love you" I said with a heavy heart and closed my eyes trying to hold back tears.

"I love you too."

I heard the door shut and just like that he was gone.


End file.
